Operation: Dark Knight
by StrayBullet69
Summary: Batman's Rogues Gallery comes to town, featuring some of your favorites, a mission that could prove too hard for our great spies. Especially when Karen clark gets kidnapped by the Joker! Please enjoy the carnage and mayhem that eill ensue, also PLEASE R&R
1. Why So Serious Karen?

**I own nothing in this fanfic. **

**Well, this is it fans...my last hoorah, the last Amazing Spiez story I'll ever make...so I figured I might as well go out with a bang! And with this bang I decided with a crossover with Batman: The Animated Series, and the amazing rogues gallery that goes along with it. Featuring Joker, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Catwoman, Scarecrow, and Harley Quinn. **

**So enjoy folks, and fear not, I am writing the old stories, sit tight and PLEASE REVIEW**

**Operation: Dark Knight**

**At some swanky party in town 9:13 pm**

Karen Clark was attending a party with her reality service celebrating a successful year...Wish my job had parties like that...CURSE YOU INTERNAL AFFAIRS! I make 25$ an hour to investigate police brutality...she sells houses...gee who has the harder job?

"Wow honey, this year was quite a turnout." Cal said sipping some champagne.

"I know, and guess whose a shoe-in for relater of the year?"

"Uh...Dick Drake? He sold all those condominiums in North Side."

"No, not Dick." Karen shook her head

"Um...Marcie Handler?"

"No." Karen said getting slightly more annoyed.

"Uh...ooh-ooh, Travis Smith-"

"Oh it's me Cal!" she yelled getting annoyed. He blushed "Oh...right."

"I finally sold more houses then that skank Sadie Withers." Karen spat.

The manager dinged a champagne glass on the stage to get everyone's attention

"Attention, attention everyone."

"Ooh, here it is." Karen whispered excited

"It is my pleasure to announce this year's Relater of the year...and this year's award goes to Karen C-[sploosh]"

"AHHHHHHHHH-[cough cough]"

Yeah bet you saw that coming. The floor quickly filled with smoke, then was entered by a hoard of men dressed in suits, one, the most noticeable of the bunch. Wore a purple suit and pants, with nice shoes. A green corsage, and his face, was bleached snow white, his hair short and greenish-black, and his lips were bright red, and he was grinning from cheek to cheek and he kept laughing maniacally.

"Who, who is this guy?" Karen asked

"I think I have an idea." Cal thought

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" the weird guy said in an ominous yet funny tone of voice "We are are tonight's entertainment, aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Now see here!" the manager yelled "Who are you, and what gives you the right to disrupt our party?"

"Who am I, says you? I'm the thing that gives you nightmares with a smile, I am the thing mortifies you with laughter, I am the clown prince of crime, THE JOKER, Ha-ha-ha-ah-ha...ha-ha, oh, I better stop...before I bust a gut."

"I knew it." Cal whispered

"Stay put sweetheart." Karen got up

"Karen no...damn."

"And like any entertainment, we demand our pay...wallet." Joker demanded holding out a bag

"I don't have to give you anything." the manager stood firm

"Well then, don't say I didn't warn you, ha-ha." the joker pressed on the corsage squirting the manager with a green fluid...he suddenly started to get a large grin and started laugh uncontrollably

"Ha ha ha ha...ha ha hahaha...AHA HA HA HA HA!" he hit the floor Joker turned to the crowd

"Now unless you want to end up like sunny Jim over here, I suggest it is in your best interest if you hand over your cash...and jewels, and gold, and watches...on Rolex's." they started to steal everyone's expensive stuff, and Joker started to eat the free shrimp. "Man, that's good shrimp."

Suddenly Karen got in the middle of everything

"Ahem...Mr. Uh...Joker is it?"

"Why yes, whose-whoa...Jumping Jimminy Christmas." Love struck, Joker approached Karen who was frowning "And who are you, beautiful?"

"Don't say your name, don't say your name." Cal whispered

"I'm Karen Clark."

"Dammit."

"Karen Clark. Hmm...Karen...Clark...rework it a bit, and ya get Harley Quinn."

"No you don't, not even close." she sneered

"Oh sorry...it just...that's uh...that's my way of picking up women."

"How dare you, I'm married!" she splashed her champagne his face, then smirked "Well what do ya know Joker, you put a smile on my face after all."

"Ooh, feisty, I like that." Sorry, wrong Joker. He put his arm around her "Ya know Karen, I like you, ya got spunk...moxie, and a whole bunch of other attributes I like...and I've been in the market for a new Harley Quinn...cause my old one finally ditched me this time."

"Your girlfriend? Why?"

"Here we go." a henchman whispered

"Well, it might just be the beatings...the kicking her out, many times...oh and that one little instance where I pushed her out a window...5 stories high. But I can assure you she healed up nicely...eventually."

"Ha, I'll never join you Joker!"

"Oh ha ha ha ha ha, oh Karen...I wasn't giving you much of a choice." he hit Karen with a syringe, knocking her out.

"Karen!" Cal leaped up

"Back off pops-[pow]"

"oof"

"Shes mine now, come on boys, were finished here...and let me say to you people of Southdale, you better go get yourself a bat signal, cause were here to stay-Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

**Clark House moments later**

The kids were sound asleep when just as they thought nothing could go wrong...Well, you know how Jerry works.

-[WHOOSH]

"Huh...whooooooooa!" Megan noticed

"What the hell, Jerry couldn't have warned us first-[oof]" The four spiez, plus Nick and Brian landed on the couch.

"Jerry...It's late." Lee said

"I know, but I just got word...it's...it's your mother." Jerry said worrisome

"W-What happened?" Marc asked

"Shes been kidnapped...by the Joker!"

[GASP]

"Whose that?" Tony asked

**TO BE CONTINUED...PLEASE REVIEW! If you want me to keep writing TAS stories...lemme know, it's the fans opinion that matters**


	2. Six Split

**Meh!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Jerry's office 9:34 pm**

"Tony, you don't know who the Joker is?" Nick asked

"Nope." Tony enunciated trying to think of he did know.

"The Clown Prince of Crime, maybe?" Jerry asked

"Uh...nope."

"Pasty face, red lips, green hair, psychotic maniac?" Brian suggested

"Isn't that Osama Bin Laden?"

"NOOO!" Came 6 yells

"He's dead anyway." Lee added.

"Tony, he is...actually, speaking of the death of Bin Laden, Joker is now the most wanted man in the world." everyone gasped, as Jerry got some pics on the monitor behind him. "It was recently discovered his real name is in fact, Jack Napier. (**Ya know what, this is the most common name he goes by, and was the actual name of the Joker in the 1989 Batman movie, so...yeah, that's gonna be the case here.**) "He was once a mob hitman for a crime family in Gotham, quit, started his own gang, except; on a fight with the Batman, he fell into a giant vat of acid and chemicals and it screwed up his appearance, which made him insane."

"But...why does he want our mom?" Megan asked

"Good question, and I have a theory." another picture came up on the monitor, of a clown girl, with a lot of make-up. "Her name is Harleen Quinzel, better known as Harley Quinn she uh...is the girl who used to be obsessed with the Joker, but after years of abuse, she just gave up, started working with fellow friend and criminal Pamela Isely. Better known as Poison Ivy."

"Time is of the essence Jer." Marc added

"Quite, my guess is he wanted a new henchgirl, and when he robbed the relaters party, I guess he picked your mom."

"So he's not gonna kill her?" Megan asked

"Most likely no, but; that doesn't mean he's not going to mess with her mind, to make sure she will stay loyal, but I can assure you, we have an antidote for that." Jerry said happily

"Is there anything you don't have an antidote for Jerry?" Brian asked

"AIDS...and, Bird flu...the common cold, poleo,FAS, Genital herpes, and...pink eye...otherwise yes we do."

"Okay...just give us some gadgets and we'll be on our way!" Tony cheered

"Not so fast."

"Say what?" Lee asked

"Joker isn't the only Dark Knight Rogue plundering our fair city, I also got reports of many rare plants stolen from the botanical garden, Poison Ivy's MO, with that, laughing gas remnants, so the real Harley Quinn would be with her, aside from that, a recent robbery at the 2nd National Bank, where $2,000,000 in $2 bills were taken, most likely the typical theft of Harvey Dent aka Two-Face, me and him go way back. The cryogenics lab, much of which was frozen solid, and several devices stolen, typical Victor Fries aka Mr. Freeze shtick, At the museum a rare Golden Cat statuette stolen, valued at over $1,000,000, sounds to me like Selina Kyle aka Catwoman, and I keep getting constant "nightmare alerts" meaning sleeping people are simultaneously having nightmares, sounds like the work of Johnathon Crane aka Scarecrow." Jerry finished

"Ya done?" Nick asked with no emotion

"Yes, I'm done."

"Granted it doesn't seem like this'll be easy Jer, we've handled tougher." Tony agreed.

"Yeah, you think so...the way I see it, we have six different attacks, and six of you." Man that worked out good "Each will have to take one a piece, gather clues and intelligence, then report back to me, sound fair?"

"SURE!"

"Good, alright, uh...Lee, you'll take the Joker."

"Dammit!"

"Megan, take Isely and Quinn, don't worry, Harley's bark is worse then her bite, and I think you and Ivy should get along fine."

"Okay."

"Nick take Two-Face."

"Which one?" he smirked

"Ha-ha. Marc I need someone smart and cunning on Freeze, you fit the bill."

"Alright."

"Tony take Catwoman-er...Beian take Catwoman, Tony take Scarecrow." Jerry said changing his mind

"What, why?" Tony asked disappointed

"Cause, shes extremely smart and stealthy, you're...oh so...yeah." Jerry was at a loss for words.

"But why Scarecrow...he scares people!" Tony yelled

"Quit wining Tone." Brian rolled his eyes

"Each of you has gadgets in your designated vehicle that will help you on your missions, and remember, never let your guard down...especially you Lee."

"Right."

"Alright, get too it spiez!"

Ha!

HA!

Ha-Ha ha

Ho-ho-ho-HA!

Hi-yeah!

Yeah Buddy!

YEAH!

The spiez headed to their vehicles for take off. Lee had the jet. Megan the chopper. Marc the mini-sub. Tony the ATV, Nick the long-cycle, and Brian-

"THE-MINI VAN-[record scratches] Why the hell am I stuck with the freakin' mini-van, Catwoman can outrun this thing it's so slow!" Brian complained to Jerry.

"Well, it's all we had left all our other WHOOP vehicles are in the shop, ah; not to worry Brian, you're smart, I'm certain you'll find a way to manage."

"This better be the remote control one, with the 10 cup holders!" He cmplained getting inside and driving away

"Ta-ta!" Jerry waved goodbye.

**Joker's new lair, moments later.**

In a lab he had Karen strapped to a dentists chair...uncomfortably I might add.

"Let me go...er, let me go!" Joker then appeared in the light

"Oh my dear Karen, now you know why I can't let you do that, you'll go to the police and tell them I kidnapped you." Since when was this her fault?

"Yer damn right I will!" Not smart, woman

"Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Why do you like me so much anyway?" she asked

"You know...I'm not really sure, originally it was because I needed a new henchgirl, but; I must admit, you've grown on me." Joker walked to a closet and pulled out one of Harley's old costumes and makeup.

"I've known you for all of 20 minutes."

"And they were very happy minutes." Joker replied coming back.

"Is everything a joke to you?" she asked

"Uh...helloooo, Jo-ker, ring any bells? Besides, I do think you're very sweet and pretty, no lie." Karen blushed

"Oh, well that's very nice of you but uh...I'm married."

"Ah yes, holy matrimony, God I can't tell you how many times Harley has wanted to tie that insesced knot...live in the moment ya know...plus, who needs marriage, when we have each other?"

"You're sick you know that clown!"

"Ugh...talk about a buzzkill, well; no trouble, I'll fix that, won't I-ha-ha, ha-ha, aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" He grabbed another syringe, and injected it into Karen

"No wait, nooo-ahhhhhhhhhhh!" she started to laugh...her voice changed, as Joker tied her red hair into pig tails, and dressed her in the harlequin outfit. humming along the way.

"There now, don't you look presentable...my new and improved Harley Quinn." she smiled. Joker put his arm around her "So Harley tell me, there's all that money down at the mint, what say we go and take some?"

"I say...let's do it...puddin'."

"Excellent. Ha-ha, aha-ha-ha-ha, ma-ha, ma-ha, mahahahahahaha...ahahahahahaha...AHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"

**TO BE CONTINUED...PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Isn't he charming?**


	3. Bats Not In The Belfry

**Ya know what, No one likes you, you couldn't predict the weather let alone the end of days, you're old, you're tired, you're washed up, you should just do us all a favor and shut-up! So smell that finger Harold Camping! Okay on with the story. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**WOOHP 10:00 pm**

Jerry sat at his desk ready to coordinate the young spiez out of a situation, he was certain they would get into...Never fails.

"Alright...Seven Villains only six of them...but, that doesn't mean-" [briiiiiiiiiiiiing]

Jerry's out-of-date land-line desk phone suddenly rang...no caller ID. Meaning it was another hardline, and the WOOHP caller security usually filters hardlines...Well, usually

"Odd...uh, hello; World Organization of Human Protection this is Jerry."

"_Lewis." _a raspy and intimidating voice answered. Jerry could also hear the flipping of a coin in the background...he knew who this was

"Dent...so nice to hear from your face again...or should I say faces-"

"_I said never call me DENT!" _Two-Face fumed _"Harvey Dent is a name that's dead to me."_

"Oh of course, you know I just love to annoy you...but, you can answer a question for me."

"_If it's the reason why me, Joker, Quinn, Isely, Crane, Fries and Kyle are here...well, I started it."_

"YOU WHAT!" Jerry jumped up

"_Now hold on Jerry...I didn't want those losers following me up here, I'm here in Southdale so we can finish our business."_

"As I had figured."

"_But...that idiot clown got wind of it...next thing you know Ivy and Harley come up...Then old Fear-Me-Crane, decided this realistate was prime stomping ground for his stupid experiments...Then of course Fries just had to be a fricking sheep...And Cat...well, I guess Gotham ran out of stuff for her to steal."_

"You could have called...we could have settled this ourselves!" Jerry sat back down and rubbed his forehead

"_Well so sorry I'm surrounded by morons! But...it's the Bat, that's the reason they moved out, thinking here they could start fresh with no real problems...and the worst part Jer...once were done I'm either pushing daisies or I head back home...these guys-no...they'll stay."_

"Dammit...well I hope you're proud of yourself Harv!"

"_Believe me I could care less...but, enough about those morons, where can I find you?"_

"Ya know...tell me what I need to know about everyone else...and tell you where I'm located."

"_Oh please I could tell you where you're located...but, the Harvey in me doesn't want these costumed freaks causing more havoc in a city that ain't there's..."_

"I know you villains Twitter each other round the clock about your various jobs and plots...tell me." Jerry sat back with his feet up.

"_It's a weakness believe me...but, alright...Joker plans to rob the mint with that new moll of his. That fiend Ivy and her bitch the former bitch of the Joker, Quinn...Are planning to steal some sort of plant whose toxin can brain wash people or some sh*t like that. Scarecrows doing what you're probably thinking just check the houses...Fries...hang on, Twitter update...okay, dumbass told me his lair location as well-he's at the old ice cream factory won't tell me what he's doing. Cat doesn't Tweet, have a Facebook or MySpace page but I can assure you, you can find her at the ritziest digs in the city and at the nicest room. Did I miss anyone?"_

"No, that was quite thorough, thank you Two-Face...I'm in my office and look forward to-"

"_Again I could have told you that...and speaking of telling, you better keep this between us, cause half of me ain't no snitch. Got it!"_

"Of course."

"_Ya better get those spy girls into gear Lewis, cause they ain't ever faced...anyone tougher."_

"They're retired unfortunately...But I assure you, I have six others even better-"

"_Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah right...well, just tell me what suit you wanna buried in...I'll be right up." _Two-Face hung up the phone...and worse he was not a block away from the WOOHP building.

"Okay, good news...good news." He got on every Comlink at once, all six spiez were in transit. "Spies listen up, and I'm only gonna say this once. Lee, to the mint, double time it!"

"Alright boss."

"Megan, check any and all abandoned green houses, botanical gardens, or bio-chemical research facilities in the the area."

"On it, I know a few places."

"Good, Marc, to the old Jen&Barry's factory!" Ha, see what I did there?

"Alright."

"Tony, get to any house in the suburbs, if you hear people screaming and a guy dressed like a corpse in old 1800's Western priests clothing carrying a wood staff you've found him."

"Gulp."

"Nick, get the hell over here, I don't care if The Pope, President, Prime Minister, and Tom Cruise are in front of you, pass em!"

"Would you believe the Pope is in front me?"

"GET OVER HERE GOD DAMN! Two-Face is coming this way, he called here on a hardline."

"Wait a hardline...man unbelievable."

"I know, he's coming back to settle an old score with me."

"No not that, who the hell still uses a payphone?"

"JUST GET OVER HERE!"

"Righteo!"

Right, Brian...start checking room list at fancy hotels throughout the city, you're looking for Selina Kyle, did you get that?"

"Yeah I got that Jer...but uh, there's one slight problem...I'm in a f*cking slow as sh*t mini-van, and I'm stuck at a red light!"

"You I'm not worried about, just get it done!" Jerry ended the transmission and sat down back in his chair with a killer headache "Ugh...this never happened when I worked for the S.A.S. Back in 'Nam." He got on his phone again. "But I think I know just the person who could help us."

"_Gotham police, this is Gordon."_

"Good evening commissioner, my name is Jerald Lewis, I head the World Organization of Human Protection."

"_Oh wow...uh...this is uh...quite an honor Mr. Lewis, I uh...don't know what to say-is this your way of telling me you want me to work with uh, you guys?"_

"Commissioner I do wish these were happier circumstances but our city here is in turmoil right now, your famous rogues gallery is threatening our city here, and it's thanks to Two-Face..."

"_Well that explains their sudden absence, you need a quick task force, I can spearhead it for ya-"_

"No just uh...get the Dark Knight ready to go, we need his expertice."

"_Oh." _Gordon was disappointed _"Right, no problem." _

"But, it would be nice to have your leadership on this caper, come too."

"_I think I will, sit tight, I'll get our little night friend." _he hung up

"Well, maybe this will work." Jerry groaned. He pressed the intercom button on his desk to call his secretary. "Nancy, get me an aspirin and a .45 in here asap..." no answer. "Nancy-[BAAAANG] Oh my." A huge explosion rocketed the office floor. The alarm sounded and then Someone crashed through the door into the office, flipping a coin.

"Well...you certainly work fast don't you."

"You know me Jerry...always quick." Two-Face chuckled

"Now you know...Two against one isn't fair."

"Oh...good one." he didn't notice Jerry take a small Colt Detective .38 Special and another gadget from below his desk. "Let's get this over with..." he showed Jerry his double sided coin. "Good heads, I walk out of here, leave ya alone...and were finished here...well until I change my mind and come back." he flipped it over "Bad heads...well, you get the idea."

"I can't believe you leave all these decisions to chance Harvey."

"Oh Jerry...it's the life I chose to live..."

**Gotham PD same time**

Gordon opened the door to his office and shouted

"Bullock!" sure pick the fat one. Detective Harvey Bullock approached his boss, ready to leave work.

"What can I do ya for commish'?" he asked

"Fire up the Bat signal, and get a plane together, were all going on a little road trip." he smirked.

"Oh...okay." Bullock walked away grumbling _What am I, his f*cking travel agent?_

Gordon's daughter Barbara overheard this, she was finishing work too

"Daddy, where are you road tripping to?" she asked

"It's business honey...just go home, I'll be back in a few days, Daddy and detective Bullock are going out of the country."

"Hmm...will a certain _Bat_ companion be joining you?" she smirked

"...Maybe." he walked away.

"Yes." Barbara got on her cell phone.

"_Wayne Manor?"_

"Alfred, it's Barbara, wake up tall dark and gruesome, we got work to do."

"_Miss Gordon, well he just got off of his nightly rounds with Master Timothy, and he was disappointed to hear you weren't with them."_

"I couldn't get out of work he'll understand." NOT "Look, just tell him and Timmy go get dressed and meet me atop the police department like now, were going on a road trip."

"_I shall tell him immediately."_

"Cool, thanks." she hung up "Wherever were going...I hope it's warm."

**The mint...10:15 pm**

Lee snuck into the main floor of the mint, unseen...he saw Joker direct four other goons what to do...none of which was his mom

"Your time is up clown." he whispered, repelling down quietly thanks to a handy gadget.

"Henshaw...grab as many gold bars as you can. Kur, don't drop those they're expensive, and for Godsake Rocco, lift with your legs!" Lee tiptoed behind him but someone was behind him, and knocked him over with an oversized hammer!"

[thw-smack]

"Ugh...[thud.]

"What the...oh, well that could have been messy." Joker pondered "Way to look out for me boo."

"Anything for you Mistah J." Karen-er, Harley walked out from the darkness carrying the mallet behind her.

"M-m-mom." Lee blacked out.

**Botanical Gardens 10:23 pm**

In their lair, the REAL Harley Quinn was relaxing in the living room reading the paper, while Poison Ivy was watering some plants...old and uh, stolen. Both were wearing civilian clothing, not knowing Megan had sneaked in.

"Whoa...it's like a fantasy." Megan whispered noticing all the foliage. She noticed one plant in particular, a rare _and stolen _Cuban Rose. She tiptoed to the pedistole. Quiet as a mouse.

"Yo Red get a load of this!" Startled Megan hid behind a fern, assuming Harley had spotted her.

"What is it Harl?" the redheaded green skinned woman asked her ditzy blonde partner in crime.

"Looks like were not the only ones taking refuge in this town, look." Ivy took the paper

"Freeze...Cat...Ugh, Harvey...Crane...and, oh...what's this." Ivy smirked

"Don't say it." Harley crossed her arms

"What you mean the Jo-"

"Don't."

"J-J-Jo."

"Don't you even...dare." the clown girl stood up

"...Joker-"

"Ah, ya said it!" Harley sat back down arms crossed

"Ha-ha-ha-ha, sorry Harl, I just had too."

"No ya didn't. Ugh, I hate him, I finally realize how much of a murderous, manipulative jackass he truly is."

"And I thank you for that Harley...you're your own woman now, and thanks to us, we can bring this city to it's knees."

"Yeah...yeah I guess you;re right Red."

Megan took advantage of their conversation and tiptoed back to retrieving the Rose when she heard

"Ah-ha-hem." Megan gasped and turned around to see both girls right behind her

"May we help you?" Ivy smirked

**Random house 10:31 pm**

Well instead of Tony finding Scarecrow, Scarecrow found Tony. They were having a depressing battle in the middle of a terrified families living room...who was watching the brawl.

"Get away from me you fool!"

"Not likely!" Tony yelled throwing random objects at Scarecrow, who batted them away with his staff.

"I am the master of fear, the lord of despair!" Oh here we go...

"And I don't care-AHHH!"

"Tremble before me you fool!" he lunged at Tony who like a little baby ran around the living room, seeing the other family "Don't worry I'm with the World Organization of Human Protection I have got this completely under contro-AHHHH!" Scarecrow hit Tony with his world famous fear gas

"Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha...finally, now...lets see what you truly fear most."

**Jen&Barry's Ice Cream Factory 10:36 pm**

Marc activated his thermal suit and quietly entered the cold factory. He saw Mr. Freeze quietly assemble something while at the same time off and on look at a picture of a girl.

"Maybe one day my love, we will meet again soon." he sighed going back to his work.

Marc was skeptical, but shrugged and continued o tiptoe towards the frosty robotic villain, but the egghead wasn't watching his step and tripped over a toolbox, making a very loud sound...Smart and cunning my ass

"Whoa-[cash]-oops."

"Whose there! Show yourself!" Freeze ordered drawing his freeze gun. He saw Marc right in front of him, on the ground

"Uh...heh-heh, hi there, my names Marc and-oh jeez." Freeze grabbed Marc by the collar picking up by one hand "I'm getting thrown aren't I?"

"Yup."

"Figures-[toss]-WHOAAA!" [thud.] "Ow...what the." Marc stood up and Freeze froze his feet to the ground.

"So...let's talk."

**Southdale Sheraton 10:44 pm**

(I'm keeping this one short and sweet cause it's like 1:30 in the morning and I'm tired as hell.)

Aggravated, Brian stormed into the lobby and stomped over to the front desk

"Can I help you si-"

"Listen to me and listen well toots! This is the nicest resort in the nicest part of town! I have been to every decent place this city has to offer in a short amount of time and came up with nada, squat, zip, zilch, zero, squadoo! So tell me...where can I find, Selina...Kyle?" Brian finally finished someone ahemed behind him

"Ahem, I'm Selina Kyle...whose lookin?"

**TO BE CONTINUED...PLEASE REVIEW!**

**And that...was THE longest TAS chapter I've ever written...maybe the longest ever...**


	4. Failure With A Side of CRAZY

**Hey man I don't want any trouble. -Brian**

**There's not gonna be any trouble, as long as you EAT MY POO! -Stewie**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Roof of Gotham PD 10:47 pm**

(P.S. another REALLY LONG chapter here) Commissioner Gordon and Detective Bullock stood on the roof with bags packed waiting for the Dark Knight to arrive. As stereotype of himself would have it, Bullock was eating something.

"I sure hope good food service wasn't your only stipulation when booking our flight detective." Gordon said raising an eyebrow.

Harvey burped and rubbed his mouth with his sleeve. Yes ladies and germs, he is a complete slob...and still single ladies.

"Relax commish' I ain't no amateur, I got us a good private jet, apparently this guy deals with the freak all da time. Even has a special claw to hold da bat mobile. Alls we gotta worry about is customs."

"Leave that to Mr. Lewis, he said he would take care of everything, we just needed to get a flight." Gordon informed him

"Alright then."

"Plus, I got us good digs at some ritzy hotel in Southdale, the Sheraton." figures "Mayor Hill's paying for it personally."

"I guess he thinks this collar might get this town good publicity." Gordon pondered

"It'll get us one better than that. Think about it, Dark Knight and Gotham Police save Canada! It'll put us on da map and good relations wit just about everyone else."

"That's a good idea of looking at it Harv...alright, fire up that Bat Signal, so we can-"

"No need!" came the familiar intimidating voice of the Dark Knight.

He, Robin [cough Tim Drake cough] and Batgirl, landed on the roof of the station.

"Commissioner...detective."

"Freak." Bullock answered picking his teeth with a toothpick.

"Enough...alright, I'm sure you're wondering where half your usual enemies have disappeared." Gordon asked

"Yes...It's like vacation." Batman smirked

"Not for Southdale." Bullock interjected

"Where?" Robin asked

"Southdale British Columbia." Gordon answered

"Canada?" Robin asked disappointed

"There's only one...but anyway, for some reason, Joker, Two-Face, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Catwoman, Scarecrow and Harley Quinn have flocked there and have gotten quite busy."

"And you want us to go over there and take care of it, right?"

"Actually we all are, the five of us, were right now deputized with the World Organization of Human Protection."

"WOOHP?" Batgirl asked

"Yup."

"Which kinda means yous three are legit police officers...which is good for you sos I can complain less." Bullock added

"Uh...Right, with travel uh-"

"Don't worry, Bullock took care of it personally." Gordon assured them

"Got us a good jet, a pilot dat won't ask questions who apparently deals wit yous guys a lot, cargo for da Bat-car, and da mayor's paying for our hotel."

"Where's the plane?" Batman asked

"At the airport, it's a white private Jet with big W on the tailwing can't miss it-" Gordon turned around and just like that, they disappeared.

"Typical." the detective shook his head

"Hurry, we might beat them this time."

**Heading off towards Canada moments later...**

On board, Bullock was ready for a much needed nap, whilst Batgirl and Robin were enjoying the honor bar and the couch, and Gordon was briefing Batman of the situation.

"Word of warning, DO NOT wake me up till we get dere understand! I'm tired enough as it is." Bullock fumed. He was laying on a blowup neck roll, and set up a sleeping mask. Then started sawing logs...loudly.

"I gotta give fatty some credit, this plane is tight." -yo! Robin took off his mask and laid down. Batgirl gasped

"Tim, what's the matter of you, are you trying to blow our cover." she frantically whispered

"Relax Barb, Bullock couldn't spot a cheese sandwich is he was the provolone." yes he could "And your old man is talking to the old man, so calm down." he whispered half asleep

"Ugh, at least turn the other way in case someone sees."

"Yes mom." Tim turned his head to the right

"Thank you." Batgirl tried to listen in on the other conversation.

"Well from what I already know, those are the only villains at the city, between the police and the organization, they're completely baffled so it's kind of an honor they called us of all people."

"Well...who else would they call?" Batman smirked

"True." An announcement came from the captain

"_Attention passengers, this is you're captain speaking, we are experiencing some minor turbulence,it is recommended you buckle up."_

"Hmm?" Batman recognized the voice. He stood up and went into the cockpit. "Alfred?" he whispered.

"Looking for me sir?"

"Alfred." he said happily "What are you doing here?"

"Well for starters, flying this plane." Man he is so full of WIN "Besides, I can't let you have all the fun."

"You old son of a gun." Batman shook his head.

"Quite, although I was serious about that turbulence, you might want to take your seat." he winked

"Right." Batman sat back down at his seat. Gordon looked over at Batgirl, who was sleeping."Something wrong Jim?"

"It's Batgirl...I dunno it's just...I...I can't put my finger on it, but she looks oddly familiar." he scratched his chin

"She...she just has a familiar face Jim, that's all."

**Jerry's Office same time**

"You've spent like 20 minutes standing there and pointing a gun at me Two-Face, you gonna flip or not-"

"DON'T RUSH ME DAMMIT! I'm savoring the moment."

"20 minutes to savor a killing?" Jerry whispered

"Alright fine Mr. Pushy." Two-Face readied his coin, and flipped, Jerry waited for the right moment. The coin landed, Two-Face flipped it on his left backhand...Good heads "You've gotta be kidding m-[oof-slam!]

"Ha, game over Freak-Face!"

"TWO-FACE!"

"It matters." Nick rolled his eyes. He launched into the office in the "nick" of time. Two-Face staggered to his feet

"One of the replacements?" he asked Jerry

"Yes sir, and, two-on-two...were even."

"Jerry, it's getting old!" Two-Face fumed... "No matter, you're lucky kid, good heads...your boss lives to fight another day., now out of my way!"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa...whoa...I don't know how, you people do things in Gotham, but here...assault, battery, and attempted murder don't go unpunished."

"I know, I _used _to be a district attorney! Now move it or lose it!"

"And alluding arrest, tsk tsk tsk...not good, not good."

"You're out of your league kid...give up-[click]" Two-Face noticed Nick point a Walther P99 at the back of his head. He stopped in his tracks.

"Anyone who has CIA and FBI and SMTF (Special Marine Task Force) on their resume, is certainly in the leagues of a bunch of costumed freaks with attitude problems! Now move!"

"Sh*t." Two-Face groaned

**Botanical Gardens 11:07 pm**

Ivy had Megan tied up in a huge line of vines...nice and tight.

"Heh-heh...nice vines." she smirked innocently

"Don't you play innocent with us little girl." Ivy shook her finger

"Yeah, we don't get fooled easily...we went to College." Harley added proudly

"Uh...yeah ignore her, Joker completely wiped her mind if you catch my drift-"

"Not deaf Red!" Harley reminded her "So...who are you spy girl?"

"Ha-ha, go to hell." Megan said smugly

"I think ya didn't wrap her tight enough."

"I think you're right Harl...can't have that." at her twisted command, Ivy made the vines tighten

"Ah...! Look, Ivy-were...were not much different you and me!" Megan choked

"Oh really..." she loosened the vines "Tell me."

"I love the environment...and plants, I model my life off of you...well, minus the whole "evil" thing."

"Hmm...I'm not buying it."

"Me neither...somethings screwy here Red."

"Really Harl?" she sneered "Tell me more of your...crusade."

"Gladly." Megan used this time as a distraction to use her glove knife to cut through the vines. "Well I regularly make environmentally friendly items in lou of traditional products...I have a garden which I tend to on a regular basis."

"Yawn." Ivy said bored

"Yer gonna have to do better then that kiddo." Harley said in a sing-song voice.

"Well I'm also good at..." she had almost cut the last vine

"Almost good at...what?" Harley asked

"Almost good at...[ching]-setting people up ya dopes!" Megan shouted jumping up

"Harley, do some-[whack]" Megan stomped on Ivy before she could finish.

"I gotcha Red!" she aimed her popgun... "Sweet dreams sucker-[pop]"

"Ugh!" the boxing glove projectile hit Megan launching her towards a table with beakers filled with plant toxins...which of course broke on impact and infected Megan.

Interestingly enough, half her body (the left half) landed on the table, meaning it effected exactly half her body. The infected area of Megan started to smoke and fizzle...her skin became green, her eye swollen, the iris a bright emerald color. Her hair became a purplish color. The infected area of the suit became dingy and palish green. You could tell she wasn't happy. She stood up and quickly noticed herself in a mirror.

"You...you..."

"Heh-heh, gee you uh...look great." Harley chuckled nervously

"Oy, as if one Two-Face was bad enough." Ivy groaned "That's what I get for trying to poison Harv."

"You both had better start running...cause I'm going to KILL YOU BOTH!" Megan shouted

"Don't have to tell me twice, let's go Red!" Harley practically pushed Ivy out the door.

"You had better gotta antidote for this one Jer." Megan sneered

**Suburban House 11:25 pm**

Tony sprinted out of the house screaming his head off.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Giant Killer Zombie Bus Drivers! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yup...you heard right.

"Well...I don't even think I have a phobia to describe this one." Scarecrow pondered. "Better follow him."

**Jen&Berry's Ice cream factory 11:29 pm**

Marc's legs and feet were frozen to the floor...needless to say, he was freaking cold.

"Brrrrrrrr...l-l-loo-ook, Mr...M-m-m-m-m-Mr...F-freeze, I-I-I-I don't w-want any...t—trouble."

"Well...that's too bad isn't it...Mr. Clark." he said reading Marc's spy ID "Cause you've found some." Marc warmed up a bit.

"Look...I-I-I know you've had it rough...it-it sucks when your woman leaves you...especially after you have done nothing but try and revive her from a fatal disease."

"Hmm-hmm...you're compassion Mr. Clark, is better then many I've met...unfortunately it's not good enough...soon, you will watch your fair city turned to ice...and be cold...so very cold as I have." Freeze said...coldly

"Aw come on! Why our city, what did we do!" Marc fumed "Why not Gotham!"

"Tried, failed, the Batman, need I say more? All I need left to do, to finish my device, is to steal a flux capacitor...trouble is, where to find one." Freeze pondered

"Oh WOOHP has one-oop!" Marc covered his mouth.

"So...your little spy organization...of course, security will be tight, but I reckon it will be easy with you here...stay warm Mr. Clark...I shall return soon." With that Mr. Freeze left the factory, with all his ice weaponry.

"Well, he may have all my gadgets...but he forgot my MPCOM...sucker." Marc called Jerry

"_Ello, you've reached Jerald Lewis, I'm not available right now, please leave a message at the sound of the beep."_

"Huh...something must be up, Jerry's always in his office-[beep]-Jer it's Marc...I'm sorta...indisposed at the moment...and very cold but, uh; Mr. Freeze is definitely heading your way, make sure you're ready...and please send blankets!"

**Sheraton 11:33 pm**

I'm world organization of human protection." he said showing his badge

"WOOHP?" Selina asked

"Yes, that is the common acronym."

"Oh well congratulations Mr...?-"

"-Steiner, Bryan Steiner...that's with a y not an ia."

"Okay...what do ya want?" she asked

"What do I want...What do I want she says?" Brian laughed

"Uh...agent Steiner, you're causing a scene." the receptionist warned him

"HA! I'll let you know when I'm causing a scene toots, and another-huh! Where'd she go?" Brian turned around for like 5 seconds only to discover Selina had vanished

"She dashed off towards the restrooms." a patron said

"Thank you." Brian dashed toward the ladies room. "FREEZE!" He's not here.

"He's somewhere else." he heard Selina chuckle.

"Ha-ha how cute."

"You do realize this is the ladies room."

"You do realize grand theft is a felony."

"Touche."

"Enough back and forth Kyle, where are ya!"

"Right here-[flwop-]"

"AW-[thud]" Catwoman dropped from the vents. Brian quickly got neutral. "Impressive."

"Ha...most impressive?"

"Not the best." Brian smirked...which you couldn't see under the mask anyhow

"Ya know, I already gotta deal with one guy in a mask...you know what I look like, what say you lose yours."

"Only if you give yourself up and we call it square?" Brian asked

"Maybe."

"See, in this business, maybe; is not in our vocabulary...toots."

"Alright then...you a betting man Steiner?" Catwoman asked

"I'm a man who likes a challenge."

"Purrrrrrrfect. Tell ya what, chase me...you catch me, I give up, I get away, well...I get away, fair?"

"Hmm...I don't know." Brian scratched his chin

"Oh come off it Steiner...what have you got to lose...besides me, look what I got to lose."

"Aw...alright."

"Good, now were talking, oh and P.S...I don't play fair-[whi-crack]"

"Aw-[crash]"

"Try to keep up!" Catwoman had whipped him into the sinks. She ran out.

"Oh-ho, you're gonna pay for that, get back here!"

**Joker's lair 11:39 pm**

Lee now found himself strapped to the same table his mom was merely several hours ago.

"Ugh-er-eragh! Lemme go!" The young spy struggled.

"Oh no Lee, I'm afraid I can't do that...well I could, but I won't-nah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

"You're a psycho you know that and-how did you know my-right...spy ID." Lee sighed

"Yuppers, Leander Geoffrey Clark-that's you, tsk tsk tsk-lousy picture though-lousy. So anyway, Clarky, I'm sure you're wondering what's going to happen to you?" Joker comically paced the floor

"Well actually, kinda."

"You see, I've always dreamt of settling down and starting my own family-but alas...I could never find anyone to settle down with, especially since my dear Harley Quinn left me." man he is so dramatic

"Hmm, maybe it's because you're a psychopathic murdering clown!"

"Ergh-don't get cute with me Red! Anyway, I've had the pleasure of running into the most attractive young woman to take her place...I must say, I've met anyone more beautiful in my life, oh Karen sweetie!" Karen as Harley came into the light

"Yes Mistah J?" she ran and gave I'm a big old hug.

"M-mom." Lee welled up.

"W-what...hold the phone, this delicate little flower is your mother?" Joker asked "How do ya like that, I just pick up the most beautiful girls in the world as my concubine and the spawn of her loins just happens to be an international spy trying to save her...makes you want to laugh doesn't it Lee-ha-ha-ha-ha-aha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"You're...you're mad!"

"Eh, Mad Love, what can I tell ya." he gave Karen a kiss on the cheek. "Now there's the slightly excruciatingly painful matter of your transformation." Joker got some tools ready

"Wait-wait...like...l-like what you did to mom?" Lee asked

"Why yes indeedy-doo, you'll be my son Joker Junior...I'll call you JJ."

"No! You're not my father! And...on the outside shes not my mother, shes a monster you've created!"

"Oh sticks and stones heh-heh, not to worry though, I can fix that." Joker approached the table. Laughing maniacally.

"No...no-wait-w-wait, no, no, NOOOOO-[zap]"

**Ah, gotta love cliffhangers right? Man, is Mark Hamill the best or what? That's right sports fans, the SAME guy who was Luke Skywalker is also the Joker. Man isn't that just f*cked up or what? How do ya like that, the greatest Sci-Fi hero ever is also the most revered and infamous villain in ANY FORM of fictional media. NO JOKE. Ha-ha, see what I did there, I did there, I made a pun. Seriously though you gotta give Mark some credit, hell, all those guys, gotta love Bruce Timm and Eric Radomski, only they would use real actors for their show. Now you got actors specifically specializing in voice acting...I mean look at those guys, actually outside of Mark Hamill, Robert Costanzo, and Tara Strong, all those guys really didn't go more in depth with voice acting after the Batman franchise. Well I've wasted enough of your time, and most of you probably have NO idea what I'm talking about, so...yeah; byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeee!  
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